


Without Light

by Polythropos



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, But it sure does feel like it, Canon Compliant, F/F, I know she's not really gone, Kind of Character Reflecting, Let me wallow in misery, No beta I cry alone, Spoilers haha, not really shippy, post agony of a witch, punch in the feels, this hurts to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26070994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polythropos/pseuds/Polythropos
Summary: Luz walks back to the Owl House through the night. Alone and defeated.(post- Agony of a Witch)
Relationships: Amity Blight & Luz Noceda, Amity Blight/Luz Noceda, Eda Clawthorne & King & Luz Noceda, Eda Clawthorne & Lilith Clawthorne, King & Luz Noceda, Luz Noceda & Willow Park
Comments: 8
Kudos: 169





	Without Light

Silence.

The somber sound of nothing but nature’s background music drifted around the deserted dirt road. High pitched bird noises, critters roaming through the grasses as they screeched, and the swish of the plants to the wind created a crescendo. One could have said that nature’s tunes are optimistic. But they aren’t.

Somebody with an unburdened spirit would’ve said something insightful. Like flowery language depicting a hero’s speech for love, or the general of an army raising the soldier’s spirits with grand promises of hope.

Surrounded by the dark green leaves of plant life, Willow’s words a few days ago hit her like a truck. “Not everything can be solved with a good attitude and a dope music soundtrack. We’re going to lose,” Willow had said. And like usual, Willow was right. They did lose the match.

The dull ache in her chest crashed into her mind, like someone had jabbed a fist straight into her ribcage and punched with the strength of a charging bull. Luz could barely see the edges of the road in front of her. Whether it was from the darkness or her tears obscuring her vision, she didn’t know.

_She didn’t know. She should’ve known._

It was dark. Luz couldn’t bring herself to look up at the sky to see for herself. She was tired. The kind of tired she used to feel everyday when the kids at school consciously ignored her or excluded her. She did get bullied a lot more than the usual kid, but she knew what to do with bullies. No one ever taught you what to do if you were purposely and politely excluded from everyone else. They taught you to fit in and it was too late for Luz to even try.

She hadn’t felt this tired ever since she came to the Boiling Isles. Not since she met King and E-Eda… The buzzing noises of nocturnal insects drowned out the pathetic whimper that escaped her lips.

Walking is instinctual for those drunk on happiness, a well practiced march as you focused on the destination and less on what you were stepping on. When you’re not drunk on happiness and your mind is against you as it thinks only of the things you don’t believe, walking is the hardest thing to do. Practiced strides becomes stiff and choppy, you trip, you trudge, you fumble on because you need to keep moving.

Luz does just that. She needs to move, pain and anger coerce her to run like her life depends on it. But her anger disappeared ages ago, when she ran through the dark with tears burning her eyes. Now she felt only the hollow echoes of fury as she tried to think of everything but-

There was a sharp crack of twigs behind her. She needed to keep moving. It was night time, it was dark, it was scary. 

Even with a hunter hunting her down, Luz felt no fear. She had everything to be scared about, from the smallest of bugs to death to _a fate worse than death-_ Luz didn’t feel anything but empty. It was- It was weird. People always said that she felt too much. Sometimes it was that she was too happy, too excited, too optimistic. Luz knew what she felt, mostly from watching people react to certain things and 2D animation, so why wasn’t she feeling anything?

The dull pain in her chest reared its ugly head again. She pinched herself, welcoming the sharp jolt of pain that struck through her body. She could feel pain. _Can_ she _feel pain? Have they hurt her? Is she okay?_

Everything stops. The Earth stops spinning around its Axis. The Boiling Isles becomes as still as a paused screen. Nature’s background music stops as if its conductor has tossed her baton down. Luz stops. Her breath stops. Her heart stops.

The only thing that doesn’t stop is one repetitive word that circles around her head like a vulture. 

_Eda. Eda. Eda. Eda. Eda. Eda. Eda. Eda._

**_Eda is gone._ **

And suddenly everything starts moving again as if nothing had happened. The world gets back on track, the loss of one inhabitant happened constantly. There was nothing for the universe to mourn about. Most of the people at school would probably go ahead with their day like nothing happened. Maybe some people would cheer at the thought that the dreaded Owl Lady had been caught; that a notorious c-criminal… 

Everything continued. The bugs start buzzing, the chirps grow louder, and the wind starts blowing, ruffling her hair as it picks up speed. The Isles continue paving a path for her like nothing had happened. The road continues on. 

The only thing that doesn’t is Luz.

She’s stuck-or maybe stuck isn’t the right word to use-she’s lost.

Maybe both. 

_What are you doing? Go back! Eda’s back there! You’re leaving her behind!_ Luz breaks free from her statue-like form and barely lifts her left foot above the ground. _Her curse took over her because you forced her to use too much magic!_

She put her left foot in front of her right one and focused on walking. _Eda’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay._ She doesn’t believe herself this time. _We’ll save Eda and go home._

Home. When she thought about that word she thought of the Owl House. It was funny how the dirty trashed up place she had only been living in for a few weeks was more of her home than her real home with her mom in the human world. The Owl House had a feeling of belonging. That she was welcome there, that she was a part of it.

Back in her room in the human world, there were countless times where she had isolated herself in her room, using anime and cartoons to drown out her thoughts. Her mother didn’t understand her, even though she loved her wholeheartedly. Luz couldn’t blame anyone but herself.

Blame. Guilt. Responsibility.

Luz used colorful language, meticulously typed paragraphs, scripts of worlds beyond her imagination, and perfect paragons to escape from her reality. To distract herself from her problems and it worked. She fell in love with made-up worlds and dramatic sword fights, it was like dreaming. So she wished for her heart’s desire and lost herself in the pages.

Lost. Home. Road.

It was pitch dark now as she entered a section of the path where light could not filter in through the thick forest canopy. She needed a light. Luz fell to the ground, feeling the wet mud soak through her school uniform as she blindly drew a circle in the ground.

The familiar circle. A circle or was it a triangle inside of it? Luz paused, did she know? Didn’t she remember? She scribbled something into the round, uncertain if she got it right. Luz tapped the mud. Nothing happened.

 _Can I still do magic?_ Luz thought, panicking as she drew circle after circle after circle. None of them were right. They weren’t working. _They weren’t working!_ She slashed at the mud, there was a triangle in the spell circle, right? A huge line, maybe two dashes?

_Humans have no magical ability._

That’s right. Amity was right. Amity was usually right, she’s smart. Amity was the witch Luz went to for advice in school and social problems. Luz cared about Amity’s opinions more than she should. Amity knew what to do. This was an example of Amity being correct once again. She couldn’t draw circles in the air with her finger and cast spells willy nilly. It had been the source of her frustrations, until she learned her first glyphs. A light glyph when Eda…

… when Eda turned into the Owl Beast.

Her first glyph was to save Eda, to snap her out of it. Her first spell was a simple light spell that anybody could do. Eda had showed her even though she was tired from using her magic to protect the house from the boiling rains and-

It was too much. The memories were too much. 

Luz sobbed as she felt her walls breaking again. Everything came back to Eda. Eda, who roped her into getting King’s crown back. Eda, the Owl Lady with an attitude. Eda, who taught her spells and encouraged her to listen to the Isles. Eda, who was always ready to save her whenever she bit off more than she could chew.

To save her.

Luz let out a ragged yowl, no words. There wasn’t a word in the two languages she knew that could convey how horrible she was feeling. No word for indescribable pain and grief. There wasn’t a word with a fitting definition. It just hurt. She didn’t know how to explain it, all she knew was it hurt.

Like the fact that she might never see Eda again.

Like the fact that there’s no one there to save her from her stupid, careless, mistakes.

Why couldn’t she do anything right? She just wanted to help Eda this time. Eda always had her back, whether it was hyping her up for her entrance exam at Hexside or ruffling her hair to show how proud she was. Eda was what Luz aspired to be. Not really for her skills (even though she really wanted to be as good at magic as Eda) but for the Owl Lady’s heart.

Eda cared. She truly cared for her. Eda cared for Luz Noceda, the weirdo and the freak. Even her own mother had sometimes expressed her disdain towards those parts of her.

So what if Luz just wanted to help Eda out for once? To cure the curse that caused Eda so much grief? Then Eda could do magic without worrying about the curse looming over her head!

But she just had to be careless and get caught! She had to play the hero and make everyone around her suffer like the time the puppet demon made her its willing victim. Lilith used her as bait! And Eda came, or course she did.

Luz let the tears stream down her face as she screamed in anguish. Eda came to her rescue. Because that’s what Eda did to people she cared about. And it was just another act that proved that Eda loved her. Eda loved her.

Loved her so much she dove headfirst into a trap. Dove straight in to face her sister, someone she had long since avoided. Flew straight into the battlefield knowing there was gonna be a fight. Knowing she would have to use magic. Maybe too much magic.

Did Eda know she was going to use so much magic that she’d get to a point of no return?

Throughout the fight, Eda kept her safe. When Lilith knocked Luz to roll across the tiny bridge, Eda had used her magic to rip apart the floorboards to roll her to safety. Even when Lilith admitted to being the one who cursed Eda, the Owl Lady didn’t lose it. Eda still held together long enough to miss.

Lilith used Luz as a shield and it worked. Eda would never hurt Luz. Eda could never hurt Luz.

And when Lilith had knocked Luz over the edge it was Eda who stopped fighting and focused on saving her. Because that’s what she was. Useless. The whole time, all she could do was watch. Bait. Shield. Lilith used her like a tool. And when they finally captured the remains of Eda, Lilith tossed her away like trash.

_Eda was gone. Eda really was gone._

_And it's all my fault._

Luz gave up trying to draw a light glyph, doing a good enough job for just a small pinprick of light. Small and insignificant, she could barely see it. But it was light and it was all she had to make it through the dark as the shadows closed in around her.

Luz let the tears run down her face as she let out a shaky gasp. She needed to go home. To go to the Owl House alone. Without Eda there ever again because it was her stupid idea to steal an artifact and get caught. _Stupid. Dumb. Naive. Why did I think it would work?_

_It doesn’t work. Stories are just made up, they lie._

Who was she kidding?

* * *

The sun came up, signalling the start of a new day. A brand new day, a new start.

The start of living a life without Eda.

She somehow made it to the Owl House in one piece. Maybe Eda was still looking over her. The mud had dried and been brushed off, her tear-streaked face had dried and she had dunked her head in a nearby stream when she got thirsty after all the _useless_ crying.

Hooty welcomed her in with his usual happy and slightly irritating voice. She replied, using her voice for the first time since she started walking back. Her voice didn’t sound like her own, it was distant. She opened the door and King popped out of the cake.

He was saying something but then realized that they were missing someone. The Owl House was missing someone. 

“Where’s Eda?”

Her knees gave away as she crumbled onto the floor, crying again.

_"Alright, kid. Listen to me. I'm going away and I don't know if I can bounce back this time."_

The Owl House was missing Eda.

It didn’t feel like home anymore.

It wouldn’t ever feel like home again. 

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm still not over this and bawling my eyes out. It's not my best piece of fiction and there's a lot of mistakes because I can't bring myself to re-read this.
> 
> This hurt to write.


End file.
